I can sum up my last few years with this saying, “Fake it till you make it.” There are Ted Talks on such topics, and videos explaining the research behind how things like smiling when you are sad will help you become happy again. Fake it. Till you make it.
And so it was when I started my new job. Inwardly I felt lost, alone, too old to do something new. My confidence was being crushed under my feet, but our budget needed help. So, I applied for a job and faked it till I made it.
I made choices that were hard. Choices to stand and greet customers with a smile when inwardly I wanted to crawl behind the desk and wait for them to approach me. I strategically placed myself in places that were customer-service oriented, inwardly I just wanted to be left alone and then collect my paycheck.
Perhaps it was the long flight from overseas when I crossed the ocean and all my worries piled up inside with my baby growing in my womb. Maybe it was all that time alone in my home fretting and stress eating with a newborn baby in a new neighborhood that created this awkward introverted self. Some call it culture shock, transition, and when you have a surprise baby at 39, you could rightly call it a mid-life crisis. I felt unused, undervalued, and wrinkled up.
And then it happened–that moment when you reflect and get a grip on life. When I decided to fake it, till I made it.
And it worked.
Co-workers noticed something in me and supervisors approached me to offer me different positions.
The position I had been hoping for came up in conversation and everything in me screamed with fear and delight. I wanted it, but oh how I felt so insecure about it! Being a Wellness Coach meant I could meet one-on-one with people, get to know them individually, create workouts for them and cheer them on to success.
It was the best and worst of circumstances: I wanted more time to fix myself, look the part of a wellness coach and yet I knew it would take too much time to fix it. Was I going to put this on hold because of my fears and pride?
No. I knew without a doubt that God had orchestrated this moment for me; I wasn’t going to let myself stop myself.
I held my head up high, walked down the aisle of treadmills and recumbent bikes, forced myself to look members in the eyes and greet them. I walked by faith and not by sight. Sight said I was too overweight to do this job. Faith told me I was right where God wanted me to be. With my heart beating and my inward voice wavering, I kept walking. Handpicked and placed in the right spot at the right time, I was going to fake it till I made it.
And so can you.