After giving the challenge to help orphans in an earlier post, I was given a challenge of my own…Xi Shui (She Shway).
One of the teachers here got a call and was asked by a foster home director to come and get a baby for the week. She wasn’t given many details as to why she was asked to come and why this child needed to be fostered.
The foster home I speak of is a three bedroom apartment with about 22 kids ranging from infant to teen. There’s been a small group of foreigners including myself, who have been praying and hoping for an opportunity to foster the children, as a few are sick, malnourished, and in need of one-on-one love. So when the teacher received a call from the director asking her to come and get little Xi Shui, we were all excited for this providential opportunity to serve.
In order for the teacher to be able to foster him, she needed someone to help during the hours of 6 a.m. until 4 p.m., when she taught at school. Since we had been praying for an opportunity to foster again, we decided this was something we could help with and thus began our first week with Xi Shui; we are now on week three.
Each Friday the teacher calls the director to ask if she can have him another week and thus far we have had him for three weeks in a row and today she was given permission to have him for the next two weeks of Spring Festival vacation.
He arrived, at 6 months of age, very underweight and very fussy. We switched his formula, burped him often, and changed his bottle. Things seem to be going better, but his colicky ways are confusing and no amount of soothing, bouncing, and holding seems to pacify him at times.
He currently looks like a 3 month old and weighs only 4.7 kilos (or 10 pounds for you Americans). He cannot sit up on his own, roll over, or do most things a 6 month old can do, but he does smile big and captures your heart quickly!
Speaking of the heart, in the future he will need a heart surgery, a family to adopt him, and possibly some other surgeries after being thoroughly examined. In the meantime we covet your prayers as we continue to minister to him, endure his fussy ways, and build a relationship of trust with the director.
Lots of you are wanting to know the scoop in regards to this pregnancy…did we plan it? Was it a surprise? Are we coming back to the States? How far along am I? So, without further ado, here is the scoop!
Shortly after having Lily, people began saying things like, “You have to have a fourth to even things out!” and “When are you going to have a fourth?”
It was then that I set my mind against a fourth, actually, it was during labor I set my mind against it, no, it was during the last month of pregnancy! I gave away pregnancy clothes, baby toys, and baby clothes as soon as Lily grew out of them. It was my way of expressing to everyone and myself, we’re done making babies.
Deep down though, I knew we were going to have a fourth. So, I decided this fourth should be adopted, especially after seeing so many suffering orphans, and I started researching possibilities and asking Peter what he thought of the idea. He kept saying he didn’t feel led to have another baby, nor adopt one, but wanted to keep that fourth child in our family open to a foster child.
At one point, the thought of having a fourth was so pressing on my mind that I said to the Lord, “If you want us to have a fourth, then Peter needs to sense it to. Confirm it to me by having him bring it up; then I’ll know it’s your will since Peter doesn’t talk about having babies!” Literally, that evening, Peter said something to the effect that he sometimes wonders if we should have another child. He spoke about Lily and how cute she was and simply said he just wondered about having another one. When I pressed him and asked if he felt led to have one, he just said, “No, just wondering.”
That conversation was enough to send me panicking! After that a woman came up to me and asked if I was pregnant and when I said “No!” she said, “are you sure, because I have a sense about these things.” (I was certain I was not pregnant, but that conversation sure made me nervous) Then my mom calls to say that both of my sisters had a dream about me being pregnant. I simply said, “Well, I’m not and I don’t plan on being, so you all can just stop those dreams!” But, deep down inside I had that sinking feeling that I was wrong, so wrong!
Then we had people randomly ask us things like, “Will there be a baby in your new year?”, “When are you going to have a fourth child?”, and “Oh! I just assumed you were going to have a fourth!” Seriously? Why, why would people assume, wonder, and make comments like that to me all the time?!
I finally decided I needed to give this whole thing over to the Lord and simply said to Him, “Well, you know I’m too scared and selfish to try anything, Peter doesn’t feel lead, and so if you want us to have a fourth you’re just gonna have to make it happen despite our precautions.” That was last month.
Started feeling queasy and nauseous this week, hoped it was the flu bug going around, but then it would stop at noon and start up the next morning again! I told Peter my thoughts and he simply said, “Impossible.” So, you can imagine his shock when I did a test yesterday and received two lines! He just said, “Well, those things can be wrong.” By the afternoon he was commenting on what to name the boy and planing to have it here instead of the States.
One last interesting thing before I close this note up! We told the kids our great news and their excitement was awesome! Then, because of my history of miscarriages (2), we all sat down and decided to pray about when we should tell others–if we should wait the full first trimester or not. Just as we sat down as a family and began to close our eyes and open our mouths to pray my computer phone (Skype) began to ring. We opened our eyes in astonishment! We NEVER get phone calls at 6:30 p.m., but there it was a phone call from my mom! She said I was on her heart and so she decided to call at 5:30 a.m. her time before going to work!
That was all the evidence we needed to make this announcement public. If we miscarry, I would rather grieve with family and friends then grieve alone.
We’re all excited, I’m admittedly disappointed that I’ll be in the States pregnant again, since I so wanted to enjoy the beaches of MI, hiking, biking, and everything else nature related, but I have a lifetime to look forward to those things.
We’ll be talking with our supervisor about the details of our trip home. We are still hoping to come May through July and then perhaps have the baby here in Sept. and then return during Christmas to show off the little one. We’ll confirm these plans in March with our supervisor, in the meantime, please pray for our family and the upcoming decisions we will need to make. A family of 6 is no small feat in China!
Have you ever gone to the store only to find they have rearranged the aisles or no longer carry your treasured product?
This week I went to a French owned supermarket called Carrefour and found the entire International aisle missing in action! It took me a few minutes to spot its new location, but this isn’t the first time it has happened to me. In fact, it happens often and I have learned how to be flexible, much to my chagrin!
Tonight, I went to a German owned store called Metro, where the import aisle is always keeping me happy, only to find my little treasures gone! I went hoping to purchase a bag of dried cranberries, but their spot on the shelf was no longer there! *Sigh*
Nevertheless, what I did find made my head spin: 12 packs of Coke! Usually we purchase Coke or Sprite one can at a time, but today there they sat in a pretty cardboard box!
I also found paper towels in 6 packs! Wow, paper towels are practically unheard of here, so to find a 6 pack of them…incredible! Then I stumbled upon frozen 6, 8, and 10 inch tortillas…goodbye to the days of me making amoeba shaped tortillas! Actually, our ayi (babysitter and all around great helper) makes wonderful tortillas, so I don’t need to fret or purchase these, but I still couldn’t believe my eyes.
The last item that I kept checking out was the Chipotle Tabasco Sauce. I’ve never been interested in something like this before, but hey, it’s imported and so I’m thinking I should be interested! I called Peter and he said to pass on it. He’s a nice logical, practical man.
Well, there’s a sneak peak at what a foreigner goes through trying to find their precious imported items and stumbling upon new ones. We are thankful for what we do have here and I am finding myself more and more content and without the need of other American things.
Of course these stores have more Chinese products than anything else. So, as always, I look over the other products trying to figure out what something might be or come up with an idea of how I might use it.
One package I read, and am still pondering, is a package of sausage links called, “Er Tong …” which translated on the package was, “Children Sausage”. (I’m not sure what the third character was, hence the dots) These sausage links were about the size of a Johnsonville brat. Nothing about them made me think of children eating them, so, why the name?
Still pondering…
After several requests, the orphanage finally released this little 5 month old boy into the care of our friends to be fostered.
From the pictures, I think you will find it is obvious why our friends were requesting to bring this five month old baby home. Although I don’t understand or know all of the medical terms for his condition, I do know that the love, food, and comfort he has received for the past 5 months has saved his life.
After a few short weeks of timely feedings, holding, and attention, a change began to take place in his development. He began to appear more attentive, cry louder, and move more. After a few months he received a surgery for his eyes and we hope that in the future he will have perfect vision and be adopted by someone.
There are many little ones like JB all over the world, who, without intervention, will die in the orphanage and be carted off.
So, in closing, I want to encourage us all to seriously consider what we might do to help them survive.
Here are just a few ideas:
1. Start up an adoption fund at your church to help families adopt.
2. Foster a child.
3. Give money to a reputable organization that is helping orphans.
4. Pray for these little ones.
5. Look for opportunities to volunteer.
6. Encourage workers who are looking after orphans.
If you have gone a little way ahead of me, call back—
It will cheer your heart and help my feet along the stony track;
And if, perchance, Faith’s light is dim, because the oil is low,
Your call will guide my lagging course as wearily I go.
Call back, and tell me that He went with you into the storm;
Call back, and say He kept you when the forest’s roots were torn;
That, when the heavens thunder and the earthquake shook the hill,
He bore you up and held you where the very air was still.
Oh, friend, call back, and tell me for I cannot see your face;
They say it glows with triumph, and your feet bound in the race;
But there are mists between us and my spirit eyes are dim,
And I cannot see the glory, though I long for word of Him.
But if you’ll say He hears you when your prayer was but a cry,
And if you’ll say He saw you through the night’s sin-darkened sky—
If you have gone a little way ahead, oh, friend, call back—
‘Twill cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track.
Taken from Streams in a Desert, Dec. 19th devotion by Mrs. Charles E. Cowman
The most popular question posed to us these days is, “How is Riley?”
Little did his parents realize when they adopted this cute loving fellow, that they were adopting a celebrity! I get inquires from around the world wanting to know how Riley is adjusting to America. So many of our lives have been blessed by watching how his adoption journey unfolded, so it brings me great joy to report during this Christmas season that, much like God blessed us with his son this month, Riley has been a blessing to his parents and them to him.
We are glad to report that his transition to America and attachment to his parents is going very well. As all parents have experienced, children bring with them a certain number of struggles. With so many unknowns and always wanting to do the best for your child, parenting can leave a parent exhausted! Add on top of that being adopted at 4 years of age and you no doubt have a situation for stress! However, Riley’s parents have said they have been so pleased by the transition and although they have ups and downs, the transition is going very well.
He’s had the pleasure of meeting Santa, baking with Mommy, riding his first scooter, and playing with his dogs Benny and Joon. He has also enjoyed meeting his grandparents, relatives, and neighborhood friends. Without further ado, I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves!
How are we doing you ask? Our family is adjusting very well! As Jolie so adequately put it, “There is some sadness, but it is soon replaced by a river of joy for Riley and we hardly notice the sadness because the river drowns it out.”
Isaac, being the one who shared his room, clothes, toys, and play time with Riley, has shed tears on several occasions and asked about Riley’s wellbeing; he has been reassured, however, and he now just looks forward to nurturing his friendship with Riley over the internet.
There’s nothing like seeing our part in God’s plan fulfilled! We couldn’t have done it without so many of you praying for us–for Riley to be adopted, for our many ups and downs during fostering, etc. And we especially thank our supervisor’s family for all their hard work in fostering Riley for 4 months when we returned to the States to have Lily, and for coming alongside of us to help with the fostering after we returned.
We are thrilled to have been able to be a part of Riley’s adoption journey.
Almost every school day, Isaac returns home with dirt all over his chin. Today was no different and I asked him to go and wash it off. He came out of the bathroom with this smirk on his face mimicking his dad! We love that silly boy!
Manhattan Declaration: A Call of Christian Conscience
Drafted on October 20, 2009
Released on November 20, 2009
Preamble
Christians are heirs of a 2,000-year tradition of proclaiming God’s word, seeking justice in our societies, resisting tyranny, and reaching out with compassion to the poor, oppressed and suffering.
While fully acknowledging the imperfections and shortcomings of Christian institutions and communities in all ages, we claim the heritage of those Christians who defended innocent life by rescuing discarded babies from trash heaps in Roman cities and publicly denouncing the Empire’s sanctioning of infanticide. We remember with reverence those believers who sacrificed their lives by remaining in Roman cities to tend the sick and dying during the plagues, and who died bravely in the coliseums rather than deny their Lord….
Go here to read the Manhattan Declaration in its entirety:
http://www.demossnews.com/manhattandeclaration/press_kit/manhattan_declaration_signers
Go here if you would like to sign it:
http://manhattandeclaration.org/decsign.php
It was more than I had ever hoped or imagined!
Ming Pai, now Riley, has boarded the plane and is headed for part two of his adoption journey. He is officially his parent’s but they still need to head down to Guangzhou where they will receive immigration papers allowing them to take Riley from China to America.
I was nervous about his parents coming. Would they allow us to say goodbye? Would they want to spend time with us? What would it be like to be with Riley with his parents? However, meeting his parents was more than I had ever hoped or imagined!
They’re the kind of people you can easily feel comfortable around. They welcomed our family with open arms and invited us out for dinner and to see them off at the airport. His mom and I spent time shopping and of course indulging in an incredibly cheap ($9 for 90 mins) massage!
So there you have it. I never imagined I would be having a massage next to Riley’s mom, chatting about Riley, life, China and all other sorts of stuff. I never thought we would walk arm in arm across the busy streets of China, navigating the traffic or together experience being pushed from side to side in a crowd while looking for snow boots for my kids! I never imagined I would have the opportunity to say goodbye to him before he boarded the airplane. Truly, I have been blessed immeasurably by his parents! They even brought me Chex cereal so I can make Chex mix for Thanksgiving! I love these people!
So, now, there are some of you who want more details…I won’t name any names, but you know who you are. This is where the reader who could care less about the preparation, greeting and goodbye will stop reading and those of you who want the details will continue on!
Riley and I packed his bag on Sunday night. He walked around the apartment, pointing at some of his things and saying, “I take with me.” We had been tracking the days with a paper chain and now the day had finally came to pack the bag. He chose some interesting things to take with him to America: a torn up doggy ribbon, an old tattered Easter basket, and a Rubik’s cube to name a few. But hey, it was his bag to pack and I figured this was part of the process of saying goodbye.
That afternoon, the kids pulled out all the blankets and dragged them onto the living room floor, pretending they were making peanut butter banana sandwiches together. Blankets were bread, sheets were peanut butter, and pillows were bananas; of course, the three of them were the filling in between! Riley laughed and giggled and I could see that Jolie and Isaac were doing their best to make this a memorable last night for Riley’s sake.
After playing, we went through our bedtime routine, you know, brush teeth, pjs, and potty, etc. etc. As a family we all tucked Riley in. Isaac scampered up to the top bunk and then we began singing the song we always sing for Riley, “Jesus loves you.” (We say “you” instead of “me” because we want to teach him how much Jesus loves him!
Of course, he joined us in singing as he always does and then we planted kisses gave hugs and tucked the boys in. We prayed for Riley, his future, his parents, and for our family to grieve the loss well. Lily gave him a smooch on the cheek and we closed the door so the boys could get some much needed sleep. About an hour and a half later an unusual thing happened, Peter could hear Riley crying.
When I went into his room he had tears running down his face and said he didn’t want to go sleep. I brought him out into the living room and assured him of our love. We sat in the chair and I just held him, wondering if he was thinking about everything and beginning to understand this would be his last night here with us. He eventually calmed down and went back to sleep.
Monday morning was like most Monday’s in our home. Trying to get Jolie and Isaac dressed and out the door on time for school without losing my Christian witness always poses a challenge for me. This morning was no exception; I’m quite certain Jolie had lead in her feet.
After the older two were on the bus, Riley and I prepared to leave for his first face to face encounter with his parents.
Through events too long to describe here, God lead me to find his parents online, which allowed Riley to begin an awesome month of preparing his heart for their arrival. Almost every other day he would receive a Skype call from them. His ability to see them on the web cam and talk to them was an answer to my prayers. But today he would finally be embraced by them!
In the taxi ride over, we talked about how he would meet his mom and dad and how he could give them a hug. I asked him if he wanted to hug them and he vigorously nodded his head. We arrived at the hotel meeting place and waited on a cold orange chair. Finally a Chinese lady approached me and said I was to follow her upstairs. She also asked whether or not Riley knew what was going to happen.
I told her he did, knowing that they don’t often prepare the children to meet their parents. We traveled up to the 6th floor in a rickety elevator and walked towards a conference room. I saw them as soon as we entered. They were sitting on the far side of a huge conference table–dad had a video camera and mom sat in breathless anticipation.
At first I didn’t know what to do, but I soon gathered my wits about me and asked Riley to take off his gloves, hat, scarf, and coat. Once that tedious task was finished, I asked him if he had something he wanted to do. That’s when he walked right over to his parents and hugged his mom!
From that moment on Riley didn’t look for me or ask to be held by me! I was so proud of him and what God had done for Riley in allowing him to meet them on Skype and talk for a month. Riley did want to sit on my lap in the vehicle on the way to drop me off at my apartment, but I doubt that was as much for me as it was for wanting to sit in the front seat to see out the window! The new family went back to the hotel and I went on with my morning just singing with joy in my heart for what God had done.
It was on Wed. that Riley’s mom and I went shopping and then that night our family had dinner with their family. Again, I was so impressed with how well Riley was acting. He was a bit wound up when we all went to his hotel room to get the Chex cereal boxes, but what little boy isn’t when they’re the center of attention in a small hotel room?
When we got our coats on he said, “I go with Peter and Jenny,” but his mom held him close and he didn’t push the issue further. I was sort of in a daze, wanting to hold him once more, needing to get my own three little ones dressed for that awful cold weather outside and home to bed, while also wanting to linger there and cherish each moment with the family.
We gave hugs and told Riley how much we loved him, posed for a final picture of our family with Riley, and then hurriedly packed up and headed towards the elevator. That’s when I realized it was here we would be parting, at the elevator, not the lobby like I had thought. I quickly told the kids to say goodbye again and there we were, all squished in the elevator with two Chinese ladies, looking at Riley’s new family in the hallway, trying to say goodbye, and waving while the doors closed shut. Isaac’s little “goodbye….” lingered in the air while we were transported to the first floor from the eighteenth.
In the lobby we finished getting our winter gear on and went out to get a taxi. Unlike the spring of ‘08 when we left for the States and had to leave Riley behind with friends to take care of him, this time there were no tears. This time we all had peace, joy, and perhaps a little numbness from all the busyness of this goodbye.
Thursday was a quiet day for us but today, Friday, is when my final goodbye came. I felt like I had had too much going on with getting the kids onto the elevator to really feel like I had a proper goodbye on Wed. Maybe it’s the mother in me and I just really wanted another good look at the boy who had stole a part of my heart for the past few years. Maybe I just couldn’t help myself and wanted him to know we hadn’t tossed him aside, but lovingly said goodbye. Regardless, once again his parents showed their generosity towards us and welcomed me to come with them to the airport to send them off.
I called them Friday morning to see if their guide would be picking me up on the way to the airport. They had forgotten to ask and called me back after talking with the guide. It was then that Riley’s father said that the guide recommended I not go to the airport with them. I had told them yesterday that I would understand if they changed their mind, but when the reality of it came, it was all I could do not to argue or cry!
I wanted to say that Chinese people don’t parent their children the same. They don’t even tell the orphans they are leaving and that’s why they throw the fits they do! Riley knew and has planned on going on an airplane for over a month; it would be a natural thing for him to say goodbye to me at the airport….but even I wasn’t fully convinced it would be best for me to be there. I had gone back and forth on whether or not I should go. So, I tried to support the decision and quickly got off the phone.
It’s one of those moments when I knew it wasn’t an easy phone call for him, but one I also wish I hadn’t put any hope, expectation, or desire into. After I made the decision to go to the airport, which wasn’t an easy decision for me to make, I then counted on it, I planned for it, expected it, and put my heart into it. That’s something I should have known better than to do. My motto for living here in China is “to expect the unexpected.” I should have expected this change, but I hadn’t.
This interruption in my goodbye doesn’t change how great our week was. Sure, I’m sad and have tears running down my cheeks as I type this, but nonetheless, I received more than I ever hoped or dreamed of for this week with Riley and his parents! We have all been blessed indeed! I’ll see them on Skype, Facebook and e-mails and am looking forward to watching him grow into a young man. Nevertheless, an era in our lives with this child has ended and it’s time to move on.
Consequently, this weekend I’ll be getting rid of Ming Pai’s clothes, toys, and other items that are in the home, making room for someone else to come and be fostered. It will no doubt be a time of grieving for me, but a necessary part of letting go.
When Ming Pai arrived
When Riley left
